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THRILLS OF A BELL BOY 



THRILLS OF A 
BELL BOY 

By 
Samuel Ellsworth Kiser 

Author of " Love Sonnets of an Office Boy," 
"Ballads of the Busy Days," etc. 

Illustrated by 
John T. McCutcheon 




Chicago 

Forbes & Company 
1906 



Copyright, 1904 
By the Saturday Evening Post 

Copyright, 1906 
By Forbes & Company 



LsbHV-.RY of CONGRESS 
Two GoDies Received 

MAY 9 1906 

I COPY B. 






Colonial Frees: Electrotyped and Printed 
by C. H. Simonds k. Co., Boston, IT. S. A. 



THRILLS OF A 
BELL BOY 



GEE ! There 's a call from seven-f orty- 
eight — 
That 's Miss Le Claire ; she wants some 

ice, I '11 bet; 
She stars in '' Mrs. Middleton's Re- 
gret." 
And when you mention peaches — say, 

she 's great ! 
If I could marry her I guess I 'd hate 
To have to do it — nit ! I 'd go and get 
A plug hat and a fur-trimmed coat and 
let 
The guy that 's managin' her, pay the 
freight. 

5 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

They say she gets a hundred dollars per; 
I 'd like to draw that much a year or 

two. 

They 'd know I 'd been around when I 

got through. 

I wish the dude that comes here after her 

Was in my place and me in his — I 'd stir 

Things up around this town. I 

wouldn't do 
A thing but buy her everything I knew 
She didn't have but might be wishin' fer. 

She rung fer me to get some stamps, and 
when 
I took them up she says, *' Just wait a 

bit." 
She put one on a note and handed it 
To me to mail — and he come in just then 



6 



THRILLS OF A BELL BOY 

And grabbed the thing — I Ve heard of 
crazy men, 
And I know when it 's up to me to quit : 
She had him goin^ groggy when I lit, 
But, blame the luck, they Ve made it up 
again. 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



II. ' 

i 

IF I could have my choice I wouldn't I 

be I 

The main guy of a kingdom — nix f er me. \ 

1 'd only wish that I could be as great I 

As one of these gay boys from up the \ 

State \ 

Imagines that we think he is when he ^ 

Tilts back his hat and lights his cigar- \ 

ette I 

And does the pouter-pigeon act ; I 'd let ; 

Them have their thrones if I could be as i 

grand \ 

As these boys think they are when they j 

** run down " I 



8 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

On business trips and let their chests ex- 
pand 
And act as though they 'd come to buy 
the town. 

The minute one of them gets in he shies 
Around the telegraph girl, makin' eyes 
And wantin' to know what it costs to 

send 
Ten words to Saugatuck or Brady's 
Bend, 
Or dictates to the shorthand girl and tries 
To make her think he 's Mike from Up- 

the-Crick — 
It 's easy work to spot these Johnnies 
quick : 
They try to mash the chambermaids up- 
stairs. 



10 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

And buzz the news-stand lady, and I 
s 'pose 
They think that we all think they 're mil- 
lionaires — 

Hello! There that sweet little actress 
goes. 



11 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



III. 



T WENT to see the show last night, the 
-*- one 

She 's playing in, you know, bnt all the fun 
I thought I 'd have was spoiled, con- 
found the luck, 
I bought a forty-cent bouquet to chuck 
Down at her when the second act was done. 
I got a seat in front, all right, and, oh ! 
How grand she looked away down there 
below ! 
I thought of angels every time she 'd look 

Up at the gallery — but when I let 
My flowers tumble down the villain took 
And give them to the putty-faced sou- 
brette ! 

12 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

I wish I was the hero of the play- 
She 's actin' in and had the chance to lay 
Her head agin my buzzom every night 
And knock the villain down and hold 
her tight — 
I wouldn't ask to have a cent of pay. 
And when she 'd look up at me sweet 

and proud 
I 'd feel so glad I 'd have to yell out 
loud : 
I '11 bet the knock I give the villain when 
I come to rescue her would make him 
grunt. 
And when she wound her arms around me, 
then — 
Oh, blame it, there 's old Morton howlin' 
''Front! " 



14 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



IV. 

T DON'T feel like I used to feel no more; 

-■- It seems as though I 'd like to go 

away 

From where the racket 's goin' on all 

day, 

And have her with me there, and she 'd 

be sore 
At that rich dude who meets her at the 
door 
Back by the stage when she 's got 

through the play: 
I wish that she 'd get sweet on me and 
say 
She never knew what lovin' was before. 



15 



THRILLS OF A BELL BOY 

I Ve got a tooth-brush now, and every 
night 
I wash my neck and ears: I don't in- 
tend 
To chew tobacco any more, nor spend 
My change fer cigarettes; her teeth are 

white, 
And if she seen that mine were, too, she 
might 
Be liable to love me. Every time 
She looks at me it kind of seems that 
I'm 
All full of something tickel-ish and light. 

I 'd like it if I knew some way to make 
My ears stay closer to my head and not 
Stick out the way they do, as though 
they 'd got 



16 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

Unfastened and hung loose. I wish I 'd 

wake 
To-morrow so good-looldn' it would break 
Her heart unless I 'd take her on the 

spot; 
And I could lick that dude if he got hot 
And made rough house when she 'd give 
him the shake. 

If I could go away with her to where 
There wasn't anybody else at all, 
And we could set around all day or loll 
Beside the cricks and never have to care 
When bells would ring, and all around us 
there 
The posies would be growin' sweet and 

tall, 
I 'd never mind if it was spring or 
fall — 
But still I s'pose she couldn't live on air. 
18 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



T THINK I '11 chuck this job and go and 
J- try 

To be a supe with her, and by and by 
Get speakin' parts to play, and then — 

who knows? — 
Be leadin' man, at last, and wear dude 
clo's. 
I 'd drink champagne whenever I was dry. 
And have a chance to travel up and 

down 
Around the country, seein' every town. 
And after every act they 'd call fer me; 

All week I 'd only work two afternoons, 
And nearly everywhere I went I 'd see 
My picture in the windows of saloons. 
19 



THRILLS OF A BELL BOY 

I 'd have a stage name that was grand to 

hear — 
I think I 'd make it Reginald De Vere — 
Gee! Would n^t that loom up great on 

the bills? 
They 'd never know they cheered fer 
Eddie Mills 
When I would get the signal to appear. 
I 'd give her all the beautiful bouquets 
The girls would send to me at matinees, 
And when the show was over crowds 
would stand 
Outside to watch fer me and her and 
stare 
When we come out, and I would take her 
hand 
And lead her to our carriage, waitin' 
there. 



20 



THRILLS OF A BELL BOY 



VI. 

T WENT up-stairs, this morning, when 
-*- she rung — 

I guess she must of just got out of 

bed — 
It seemed to me her nose looked kind of 
red; 
They was a little wad of hair that hung 
Down in a pigtail on her back ; she brung 
A telegram out to the door, and said: 
' ' Well, get a move — good Heavens, are 
you dead? '' 
Somehow she didn't seem to look so 
young. 

22 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

I can't help kind of wonderin' to-day 
What made her look so queer; it 

seems as though 
There 's something that is gone. I 'd 
like to know 
If all the ones that 's beautiful when they 
Get on their riggin' and are fixed up gay 
Ain't much but framework when 

they Ve gone at night 
And safely locked themselves in out of 
sight 
And laid what ain't growed on to them 
away. 



When me and Mike, the porter, were alone 
I got to tellin' him about my thoughts — 
Mike 's had two wives, and so, of course, 
knows lots. 
He told me in a kind of solium tone : 
23 



THKILLS OF A BELL BOY j 



*^ Me boy, a woman cr-rathure 's like a ] 

shtone — ] 

At laste some women ar-re — Whin ' 

dr-ressed they 're foine, j 

But whin they ain't ye '11 ha-ardly see I 

a soign 1 

Av beanty that ye 'd ta-ake to be their I 



own. ' ' 



24 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



VIL 

T T 'S all off now. She 's gone out West 
-^ somewhere — 

The papers say to South Dakota — there 
She 's got things fixed to get divorced, 

they claim. 
It seems that Mrs. Pickleham 's her 
name 
In private life, instead of Miss Le Claire. 
Her father runs a dray in Buffalo, 
That 's what the papers say: I s'pose 
they know. 
I wonder why it always has to be 
That everything you think is great be- 
fore 

26 



THKILLS OF A BELL BOY 

You know about it, when you get to see 
Just how it is don't seem so grand no 
more? 

I wish I had the forty cents I blew 
To get the bunch of posies what I threw 
At her that night. I had to gasp almost 
Whenever she 'd look up. Gee ! What a 
roast 
The boys would give me fer it if they 
knew. 
But still there ain't no use of feelin' 

bad; 

I got my money's worth, fer I was glad, 

And every minute that you 're feelin' gay 

About a thing that never can come true 

Is something that '11 not get took away; 

It 's in your system and belongs to you. 



28 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



VIII. 

rriHEY 'VE give us a new operator here 
-^ To take the telegrams ; she 's pretty 
near 
A daisy, too. Her eyes are big and 

brown ; 
And when she sets there kind of lookin' 
down, 
As though she didn't notice things, it 's 
queer 
The way I get to wishin' I could go 
And save her from the clutches of some 
foe. 
She makes me feel as though I'd like to be 
29 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY ; 

j 

A handsome man, about six foot, and | 

strong, I 

To take her in my arms and let her see ; 

That I was here protectin* her from | 

wrong. I 

] 

The other day I talked to her a while: ! 

It seemed as though whenever she would ! 

smile ! 

I 'd have a goneish feelin' in my breast, j 

She 'd be a peach, no matter how she ; 

dressed, i 

She 's got the other girls here beat a mile. ! 

The red that 's on her cheeks ain't I 

painted there, I 

And she ain't wearin' no dead woman's \ 

hair : i 

I don't blame homely women if they try \ 



30 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

To make themselves look fine, fer good 
looks pay — 
But hers is not the kind that they can 
buy — 
The beauty that she 's got grew there to 
stay. 



32 



THKILLS OF A BELL BOY 



IX. 

/^NCE, when her instrument was 
^^ workin* bad 
She jerked the thing and hit it with her 

fist 
And nearly broke her round, soft little 
wrist — 
I never s ^posed that she could get so mad. 
When I told ma it seemed to make her 
glad. 
She says a girl that looks as nice as pie 
Sometimes has awful thoughts: I won- 
der why 
Ma ^s always knockin' so? It makes me 
sad. 



33 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



QOME people make me sick. They act 
'^ as though 

They 'd leased this hemisphere. See 
that boy there, 

The way he tilts his head up in the air 
And struts around so everybody ^11 know 
He 's cut his second teeth. Now watch him 
go 

And ask about the telegrams. I '11 bet 

Nobody ever telegraphed him yet, 
Or if they did it 's comin' mighty slow. 

When she was operatin' yesterday 
He leaned against the railin', lookin' 
wise 

34 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

And spoilin' blanks and makin' goo- 
goo eyes. 
I wish he *d pay his bill and go away, 
Or that she 'd slap his face fer gettin' 
gay. 
When fellows hang around a girl to 

buzz 
Her hours at a time the way he does 
I wonder how they think of things to say? 

Mike says he never seen a woman yet 
That hated men fer showin' them 

they 'd like 
To take them in their lovin' arms and 
hike 
Away to where nobody else could get. 
Mike says it doesn't seem to make them 
fret 



35 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

"When men get gone on them — I guess 

I '11 strike 
Out bold, because it must be so, fer Mike 
He 's had two wives, and knows a lot, you 
bet. 

There goes that dude again, confound the 
luck! 
I wish he 'd get a telegram that said 
Some chap was comin' here to punch his 
head. 
And he 'd fergit how sweet she was, and 

duck: 
Mike says that when a fellow shows he 's 
struck 
A woman hardly ever raises Ned 
Or seems to get to wishin' she was 
dead — 
Gee whiz ! he 's went and give her chin 
a chuck. 

36 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



XL 

npHE Johnny 's went away that got so 
-"- brash ; 

I let his blamed old satchel fall and 
smash 
When him and me was goin' out the 

door; 
His razor and his brush rolled on the 
floor, 
Mixed with his nightshirt and some other 
trash. 
He 'd just smiled back at her and raised 

his lid; 
I 'd hate to get let down the way he did : 
She laughed, and all the rest let out a 
whoop — 

37 



THRILLS OF A BELL BOY 

I never seen a guy so mad before; 
He got his things together with a swoop — 
I guess he '11 never be our guest no more. 

I s'pose I lost a tip, but I don't care, 
I 'd rather have the chance fer gettin' 
square ; 
What good is havin' money, anyway. 
If havin' it don't keep you feelin' gay 
Nor make you push your chest out in the 
air? 
I snuck away, out by the barber shop, 
And laughed so hard I couldn't seem to 
stop: 
Mike says that every laugh you ever laugh 
Is something that you 're richer fer, and 
so 
I gained about eight dollars and a half — 
They called me down and nearly 
bounced me, though. 
38 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



XII. 

TF I would get to be a millionaire 
-^ And didn^t have to work or any- 
thing, 
I ^d go and buy a dimun' stud and 
ring 
And open up a swell hotel somewhere 
And be head clerk myself, and have my 
hair 
All curled and fixed like Morton's is, and 

fling 
On agony as though I 'd be a king 
And had a throne behind the counter 
there. 

39 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY ; 

The guy that owns this joint ain't got no ; 

style : \ 

He wears his whiskers down around his j 

neck : ; 

I '11 bet that I 'd have shiners by the ; 

peck i 

If I was in his place and had his pile. ; 

When guests come in he don't put on a 

smile 

And get to lookin' chesty and say ! 

'' Front " ] 

As though he owned the earth: he \ 

leaves that stunt I 

Fer Morton, who can beat him out a mile. - 



40 



*«wwBnia i 




THEILLS OF A BELL BOYj 



XIII. I 

T WISH somebody *d kick me through a \ 
-^ fence ; 

I must be gettin' dotty; I 'm so dense 

I couldn't see half through an iron \ 

gate; ; 

Why, any one could string me while you j 

wait ; \ 

No wonder Morton says I 'm shy of sense. : 

A man arrived here yesterday forenoon j 

Who seemed to be a fighter, and as soon | 

As ever I had spotted him I flew i 

And grabbed his satchel and got use- \ 

ful. Say, j 

42 J 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY^ 

His clo's were great, he had on dinmn's, \ 

too — I 

i 

I picked him fer a winner right away. \ 

It wasn't tips I thought of, understand: ; 

I hoped that mebby I could touch his hand ; j 

I brought him pens and ink and things | 

and stood | 

Around to be as useful as I could ] 

And let him see I thought that he was i 

grand. \ 

I 'd like to bump my head against a ] 

wall, I 

Because he ain't a pugilist at all. ' 

I '11 bet he never even seen a ring; \ 

He 's just an author that is writin' j 

books : I 

That shows that you can never tell a thing i 

About how great a man is by his looks. '• 

44 ^ 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



XIV. 

T WISH some day there 'd be a lawyer 
-*- come 

And say I 'd got a fortime left by some 
Eich relative I didn't know I had; 
The ones that 's kiddin' now would soon 
be sad, 
Yon 'd see old Morton lookin' pretty glum. 
I 'd buy this place and fire him so quick 
The tumble that he got would make him 
sick; 
And then I 'd get the bridal-chamber key, 

And take the little operator there, 
And ask her how she 'd like to marry me 
And let some other girl hold down her 
chair. 

45 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

I wish my hair would get to turnin' gray, 

And ma would suddenly find out some day 

That I was ten years older than she 

thunk, 
And I would grow six inches while you 
wunk. 
But what 's the use of wishin', anyway! 
Mike says nobody ever caught a fish 
By simply settin' down somewhere to 
wish; 
He claims if all our wishes would come 
true 
We 'd none of us be happy any more, 
Fer every day we 'd all be feelin' blue 
Because we wished fool things the day 
before. 



46 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



XV. 

rflHE news-stand lady 's got a steady 
-■- beau ; 

He comes each night at six o'clock or so, 
And when they leave he takes her by 

the arm, 
As though he thought she might get into 
harm, 
Or slip on something smooth, or stub her 
toe. 
Mike says he 'd let his mother get along 
Without an arm to hang to that was 
strong, 
And never seem to think she might get 
hurt 
By bein' bumped, and never fret at all 
47 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY i 

] 

If she would put her foot down in the ] 
dirt, 
And never be afraid that she would fall, \ 

I wonder why a fellow's mother tries ■ 

To make you think that every man that 's i 

wise I 

Steers clear of all the girls? I wonder \ 

why 

A fellow's mother thinks they 're mean i 

and sly j. 

And hardly fit to look you in the eyes? ] 

Ma thinks the operator here has planned | 

To hook the first poor chap that she can | 

land ; I 

And one night, when I got to tellin' ma • 

How sweet she was — I mean the oper- ] 

ator — I 

The more I tried to praise her up I saw ] 

48 i 

i 
j 
1 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

The more it kind of seemed to make ma 
hate 'er. 

Ma says they 're all a schemin' lot, who fix 
Themselves up nice to fool the Toms and 
Dicks 
And Harrys that don't know enough to 

run: 
You 'd think, to hear her talk, that all 
they done 
Was try to catch the boys by foxy tricks. 
I don't see why ma runs them down that 

way; 
She used to be a girl herself, one day. 
Mike says that when a woman 's married, 
though. 
She never wants the rest that ain't been 
took 
To ever stand a chance or have a show 
To ever get a nibble at the hook. 
49 



THRILLS OF A BELL BOY 



XVI. I 

innHE other day we had excitement here; \ 

-L The news-stand caught afire, and I \ 

thought 

I 'd be heroic Johnny-on-the-spot; j 

I grabbed the operator, yellin': ^* Dear, \ 

I 'm here to save your life, so never fear. ' ' ' 

But just about that time I felt a swat, • 

And there was lots of things that I fer- ; 

got j 

While Morton dragged me with him by the | 

ear. 

i 

They 'd doused the blaze before it got a j 

start, ] 

And I 'd fergot our fire-drill, you see, \ 

50 j 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

That 's what made Morton come and 

jmnp on me — 

He nearly tore my head and ear apart — 

That Alexander 's too dumnation smart. 

They 're all a-kiddin' me fer what I 

done, 
And she looks on and seems to think it 's 
fnn. 
Confound it! that 's what nearly breaks 
my heart. 



51 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY \ 



XVII. 1 

I 

T 'M sorry fer tlie poor old boy we Ve , 

J- got i 

In seven-sixty-six ; he 's nearly due j 

To ask St. Peter to please let him [ 

through. I 

His wife 's a beaut and young, and mebby i 

what i 

She 's doin' right along is hope he '11 not | 

Be yanked away and planted in the sod \ 

With her left here to fasten to his ■ 

wad — i 

If that 's your guess, though, take another \ 

shot. t 

52 I 



THKILLS OF A BELL BOY 

She won't allow him to get out of bed, 
But once when I went up because she 'd 

rung 
The first thing that I knew he up and 
flung 
The quilts and things across the room and 

said 
She *d hid his shirt and pants — that 's on 
the dead — 
And then, before she 'd caught her 

breath, he sprung 
Up like a wild man and got in among 
Her trunks and looked up pitiful and pled. 

** I want my pants," he says, '^ I '11 die 
unless 
You let me out to get some exercise." 
She shook her head and looked him in 
the eyes 

53 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

And told me it was second childishness 
And that he was n't strong enough to 
dress — 
Then out he jumped and started fer the 

door, 
With nothin' but his nightshirt on, and 
swore 
He 'd run away — he meant it, too, I 
guess. 



But he was old and slow and she was spry, 
And when he started to get out she 

caught 
A pitcherful of water up and got 
Around in front of me and let it fly. 
She turned and give a sorry little sigh 
When he 'd went back to bed, and said 
a lot 

54 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY; 



Of things about how sad she 'd be and] 

not i 

Know how to bear the shock if he wouldj 

die. ; 

When I get old and wrinkled up and grayi 

I want my wife to be as old as me : : 

Then she ^11 not be ashamed if people] 

see j 

Us out together, and they '11 never say | 

They wonder what she cost me, anyway.! 

I 'd hate to think that every time whenj 

we I 

Went anywhere the men would wink; 

and she i 

Had sad clo's to jump into any day. I 



56 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



XVIII. 

IT 'S up to me to Mck myself some more : 
The daisy that is operating here 
Has been another fellow's wife a year, 
And he 's a clerk in some department 

store. 
The happy thoughts I used to think before 
Are busted up forever. I appear 
To always land somewhere back in the 
rear — 
The sound of telegraphin' makes me sore. 

I hope I '11 have a million bucks some day 
And be the landlord here, and she will 

set 
There, in the corner, telegraphin' yet; 

57 



THRILLS OF A BELL BOYi 

And when I pass she '11 look at me and say | 

All to herself she wished she knew some j 

way i 

To not be married, and I 'd stop and get | 

A blank sometimes, just so 's to make | 

her fret 

When she would eonnt the dimun's I 'd j 

display. ' 

And mebby when I stood there near her, | 

then, \ 

And had broad shoulders, and was six \ 

feet high, j 

Her lips would tremble and she 'd give | 

a sigh j 

And nibble at her pencil or her pen, 1 

And we would both be feelin' sad, and \ 

when i 

She seen I loved her she 'd begin to cry i 

58 I 



THRILLS OF A BELL BOY ] 

i 

Because she hadn't waited, and then | 

I — i 

Oh, rats! There 's Morton yellin' | 

'' Front " agen. ! 



59 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 



XIX. 

TF yesterday would come to-morrow 
-*- There wouldn't hardly be no sorrow. 

For then we 'd have another try 
At chances that we let go by. 

Instead of givin' luck the blame 
We 'd grab the good things when they 
came. 

We 'd take the best and leave the worst 
If all the days came hind-end first. 



The fools that stand and wonder now \ 

Would know just when to act and how. \ 

60 \ 



THEILLS OF A BELL BOY 

If yesterday would come agen 
We 'd not say ^^ if '' so often then. 

We 'd turn the merry face to sorrow 
If yesterday would come to-morrow. 



61 



By S. E. KISER 

Love Sonnets of an Office Boy 

WITH TWELVE PICTURES BY JOHN T. 
McCUTCHEON 

" A joy forever." — New York Sun. 

" Full of fun." — Philadelphia Telegraph. 

" Irresistibly funny." — Minneapolis Times. 

*' All well done and exquisitely funny." — The Journal- 
ist. 

" Its fun is fairly side-splitting." — Indianapolis Sentinel. 

"If you have ever been a boy, read this book." — 
Talent. 

" Pure humor and actual tenderness." — Louisville Cour- 
ier-Journal. 

"These sonnets will prove a source of delight to all 
people with a true sense of humor." — Judge. 

" There is in each and every one of these sonnets a 
screamingly funny office-boy-like turn of phrase." — New 
York Mail and Express. 

Price ^ JO cents. 

FORBES & COMPANY, Publishers 
Box 664, CHICAGO 



By S. E. KISER 

Ballads of the Busy Days 

ONE hundred poems representing the best 
work of this well-known poet. Many of 
them are humorous, some have a delicate vein 
of pathos that makes a sure appeal to the heart, 
and all possess that charming human quality 
which has made Mr. Kiser's verses widely pop- 
ular. 

"Mr. Kiser's work is too well known to need praise. 
He is a popular favorite." — Minneapolis Times. 

" His many varieties of verse have made him a friend 
of every lover of poetry." — Columbus Press. 

" Mr. Kiser has that rare original wit that can turn the 
most commonplace things to laughable account." — Dal- 
las News. 

" Few or none of the magazine poets excel Mr. Kiser 
in touching the chord of human sympathy." — The Argo- 
naut^ San Francisco. 

Tastefully printed and bound in an artistic, decorated 
cover, I2m0y cloth, gilt top, 224 pages. Price, $1.2^. 

FORBES & COMPANY, Publishers 
Box 664, CHICAGO 



Now in Thirtieth Thousand 

BEN KING'S VERSE 

If I should die to-night 
And you should come to my cold corpse and say, 
Weeping and heartsick o'er my lifeless clay — 

If I should die to-night 
And you should come in deepest grief and woe 
And say, " Here 's that ten dollars that I owe " — 

I might arise in my large white cravat 

And say, " What 's that ? " 

If I should die to-night 
And you should come to my cold corpse and kneel, 
Clasping my bier to show the grief you feel — 

I say, if I should die to-night 
And you should come to me, and there and then 
Just even hint 'bout payin' me that ten, 

I might arise the while ; 

But I 'd drop dead again. 

{From " Ben icing's Verse") 

" * Ben King's Verse ' will be appreciated by all who 
enjoy good things." — /ohn Kendrick Bangs. 

" Ben King's verses may be recommended to those 
suffering from melancholy." — The Chicago Daily News. 

" Lovers of real poetry and of quaint, whimsical humor 
will treasure ' Ben King's Verse ' as a volume which can 
be read and re-read with pleasure, a companion for all 
moods and times." — The Journalist {New York). 

Beautifully made. 2g2 pages. Price, $i.2j 

FORBES & COMPANY, Publishers 
Box 664, CHICAGO 



|»SAY 9 1906 



mm^y OF CONGRESS 



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